Bad News Blog

My Peace Corps service was going rather smoothly, too smoothly I guess and this feeling of it's too good to be true overtook me when almost overnight my service became a shit storm that I have absolutely no control over. Due to an unbloggable "security issue" I have been forced to change sites. I don't want people to get worried because my safety was never at risk. As you can probably guess from my previous blogs I really loved my site, I don’t know of another volunteer who loved their site more than I loved mine. There was real work and I felt connected to the people and the place. To be forced to leave when I believe the problem could have been rectified with a simple housing change is really upsetting to me. The incident involves the family I lived with and I don't think it's appropriate for the public domain, but I am more than willing to talk about it privately with anyone who wants to know the details. There is a certain air of paranoia and panic associated with PC Bolivia at the moment and I think they overreacted in this case by forcing me to leave my site. Ivan informed me of the decision on a Monday and Tuesday morning we went to my site and packed up all my stuff, settled things with my landlady, I tried to tie up all my loose ends and say a few good-byes but it was all so surreal and I just didn't want to break down into hysterics in public. I didn't even get a chance to say good-bye to the teachers or most of the kids because they are on winter vacation right now. Oscar, the 3- year-old grandson of my landlady was drawing pictures in my room as I packed and he doesn't understand that I won't be coming back. I had to tell the women from the centro de mujeres that I was leaving for a medical reason and explain that I wasn't allowed to come back. They tried talking to Ivan, telling him that they were already used to me and that I was doing good work with them but he just repeated the story about my “medical issue.” It was a difficult day, I felt hollow, sick and helpless. I don’t really know how you define happiness, it’s that vague, elusive and fleeting thing that no one really understands, but I think I can say that I was happy in my site or very close to it. I feel like I had made a commitment to those people, I had started and promised projects, I had so many plans for the next two years and all of it just had to be abandoned so suddenly.

The next day I had to fly to Cochabamba to meet with PC administration and I'll be here until they find me a new site. Pepe, my boss has a few in mind, two of which are in Tarija. I strongly requested to stay in the Tarija department because it is a great place, so tranquilo and the volunteers from my group who are down there have become my family. They are my support system and the people I depend on to stay sane and happy when times are tough and if I have to leave them on top of leaving my site I just don't know what I would do. You have no idea how much you come to depend on the volunteers in your region for support and understanding and I just don’t think my PC experience would be the same in another department. Plus I already bought a Tarija tracksuit and I'd just feel silly trying to rock it in another department. So while I’m stuck in Cochabamba I’ll be working in the office to gather information that my fellow Ag volunteers requested for our in service training (IST) which has been pushed back to August. It’s nice to be able to support my fellow volunteers but I’d much rather be working out in the campo than in the PC library. There are no Coch volunteers from my group but I was allowed to go visit a few of my fellow B-47ers in the Altiplano over the weekend. My friend Garrett (with the killer stash) invited me to Oruro to celebrate his birthday with an ugly sweater party and it was so much fun, definitely the pick me up that I needed. The used clothing selection of ugly sweaters in Oruro was amazing and prizes were awarded for the ugliest. I got to wear not only one but two ugly sweaters over the course of the night because another volunteer legitmatly liked my first sweater, yikes! VAC and PSN (two volunteer run groups) are also having meetings in Coch this week so I’ll be able to hang with them and even sit in on a PSN listening skills workshop (something I’m interested in because I hope to serve on PSN in the future.) Besides my site change there are much bigger problems for PC Bolivia in general. There is a vote on Evo’s Constitution coming up in August and the general stability of the country is in jeopardy. They have canceled B-48 twice and now we aren’t getting another training group until 2009. It’s certainly an exciting time to be in Bolivia but believe me when I say that we are not in danger. If you walk down the streets anywhere in the country or talk to any Bolivian you would know that there is no real possibility of a civil war or violent civil unrest. Will there be strikes, marches, protests, and blockades? Yes, of course, this is Bolivia they have strikes, marches, protests and blockades on a weekly basis, but life goes on and we continue working. The thing that scares me the most is having PC Bolivia closed and having to leave because I already know what it feels like to be forced to leave a place that feels like home. Bolivia has been my home for nearly six months now, which may not seem like that long but I like my lifestyle here, I’m settled and comfortable and I can’t imagine having to go somewhere else. Then again, if we are forced to leave the country I’m ahead of the game because all my stuff is already packed.